Let’s start this off with a very simple guessing game. What is a seven-letter word that starts with an F and ends with an S? You guessed it, it’s Friends. And no, we are not talking about the award-winning TV show. We are talking about your friends. Of course, you would always help your friends when in need, but what if they ask you for a referral at your job? You may want to, but decide not to because of various reasons. A few examples: they may have a poor work ethic (ignoring emails, coming late to work every day, calling in sick often without being sick, etc.), or you just want to keep work and your private life separate. And like that, there are plenty of other reasons why you wouldn’t want to refer your friend. But how do you say no?
Don’t Make It Complicated
The most straightforward way is just to say no. Beating around the bush is never a good idea, and when it comes to saying no, it is an even worse idea. And when we say just say no, we do mean it. Yes, you may want to let them down easily, but don’t create a whole story around it. And most importantly, don’t lie about it.
Explain
You may not like to explain yourself and the decisions that you make, and that’s your prerogative, but in this case, it would help a lot if you would explain why you’re declining someone’s request. Try to explain in detail why you don’t want to refer them. Be honest, but avoid hurting their feelings, which is a hard thing to do and might not even be possible. But keep in mind that you’re trying to relay a message that needs to be clear.
Stand Your Ground
If you don’t want to refer your friend, then don’t. It’s that simple. The decision is completely and solely up to you. When you’re not sure if you want to refer your friend or not, you can say that you will think about it. This is very important for the sake of your friendship because if you make a hasty decision, you may regret it and change your mind. And don’t say no and later change your mind because your friend convinced you to do so after all, or because you feel bad. Yes, you may feel bad, but it would be worse if you constantly change your mind. Make it clear that this is what you decided and that it’s final.
Okay, guys, we want to add a little side note. It may seem harsh and even cruel to deny your friend a referral, but you must understand that working with a friend is not for everybody, and that’s okay. We often talk about setting boundaries when looking for a job, and this is one of them. If you’re in this situation right now or are having a hard time setting boundaries with friends, family, or coworkers regarding your career, you might need a little support. Our friends at Online-Therapy can help you establish those boundaries and feel better, content, and at peace with your decisions. Find out how they can help you here: https://onlinetherapy.go2cloud.org/SHbH